Forever My Lady Read online

  “Yeah, you know, mi ruca, mi jaina, my girl, my lady.”

  “Oh.”

  “Simón, ése.”

  “Simón? I don’t speak Spanish.”

  Dio shook his head. “Órale. Simón. You know. That’s like saying, ‘That’s live. That’s money.’”

  Simon still looked confused as hell. Dio thought for a second.

  “You know, ‘That’s cool, dude.’”

  The lightbulb came on in Simon’s head and he smiled, nodding like a bobble-head toy.

  Dio was surprised at how open he was with Simon. Normally he clammed up with strangers, but there was something so nonthreatening about Simon, so innocent, it was refreshing. Besides, who else was he going to talk to? Though he hated to admit it, Simon was the closest thing to a homie he had in the whole place.

  “Órale. Simón,” Simon repeated to himself like he’d just discovered the secrets of the universe.

  Later that day, Jackson had some brainiac idea about a trust exercise. He had all the guys pair up into couples, which he randomly selected, and had them fall backward. The other one was supposed to catch them. It was supposed to teach them trust or something like that . . . so he said.

  Dio knew it was an accident waiting to happen. Nobody trusted anyone there. Most of them had lived on the wrong side of the tracks just like he did. They were naturally cautious. They slept with one eye open just like him. They never let anyone get real close because they knew at any moment their so-called “boy” could and probably would stab them right in the back.

  Luckily, Dio got paired up with some crony of Grossaint’s who “accidentally” almost dropped him. Dio knew not to trust him, so he was prepared to catch himself. Dio made sure to whisper something in his ear to make sure he never tried to pull that stunt again. Whatever it was, he turned pale afterward and couldn’t wait to get away from him.

  Dio looked a few hundred feet away at an older squad of guys wearing all white, who snickered as they watched Dio and his squad. They were in the last level and obviously ready to graduate. The guys glared at them.

  “What the hell you looking at?” Jackson asked. “You think you’ll ever get there? Half you guys won’t even make it past this level, ’specially since you can’t get the molasses out of your asses and the cotton from your brains to think!”

  And just like that, just as Dio had predicted might happen, Simon fell right on his ass. Of course, everyone laughed except for Dio and Jackson. Didn’t Jackson ever have a sense of humor about nothing?

  “Boy, what in the hell is wrong with you?” he asked Simon. “Can’t you stand up straight?”

  “Sir, yes, sir. It’s just that Trainee, that guy—”

  “That guy, this guy, I don’t want to hear any excuses. There are no excuses in life, Simon. You point at someone and you’re pointing three fingers back at yourself. Now get back in line,” Jackson demanded.

  He turned to Groissant and quick as a flash said, “Catch me.” He let himself fall right into Grossaint’s arms. Luckily Grossaint was quick on his feet. Dio would have loved to see Jackson fall right on his ass.

  “Trust is a very important thing. If you can’t trust nobody, then you can’t trust yourself. And for all you idiots out there that think it’s funny to drop each other, just know karma—what goes around comes around. Ya hear?”

  That didn’t make any sense as far as Dio was concerned. It seemed like any time Dio tried to do something nice for someone, it always backfired. It was like, “no good deed goes unpunished,” just like Spooky used to tell him.

  All of a sudden a shitty-looking mutt came from the main building and ran toward them. Simon ducked like it was about to attack him or something, but it ran right to Jackson’s side, and he smiled.

  “Good girl. This is Coffee and she’s probably about the closest thing to pussy you’re going to get while you’re here, so treat her right. You’ll see her making her way around here just like anybody else and it will be your responsibility to care for her. That means feeding her, cleaning up after her, keeping her out of trouble. Shit, you hardly can keep yourself out of trouble, but . . . she’s here to stay.”

  Most of the guys had a twinkle in their eyes at the sight of the dog. She was about the ugliest thing Dio had ever seen, but she seemed friendly and came right up to most of the guys. He petted her. She wasn’t as nice as the Rottweiler he had back at home when he was a kid, but she’d have to do. They called his Rott Buddy. He had to be the most loyal dog there ever was. His mom named him. Dio never would have given him some name like that. He practically surgically attached himself to Jennifer. It was always a friendly competition for attention between Dio and Buddy.

  “Anyway, you keep your nose clean the next couple of weeks, eat all your peas and carrots, and you’ll make it to Visitor’s Day.”

  Excitement ran through the whole troop. Wow! Visitor’s Day. Dio was buzzing inside. He’d invite Jennifer to come. God, he needed to see her. Maybe she could get someone to take her out there, probably not her parents, but maybe some friend of hers. That was the first good news Dio had heard since he got to camp.

  Then again, he still hadn’t heard back from her yet. It had only been two days since he sent the letter, but he knew it would take at least a couple of days for her to respond. He kept thinking that she was probably reading the letter now, and that thought kept him feeling warm inside. He could see her now, lying in her hospital bed, her long, flowing hair on her shoulders. He could see it all now, with her opening his letter and smelling it for his scent. She was alone, nobody to distract her or to feed her bad thoughts about him—just him and her. They were connected; he knew it. They always had been; they always would be.

  Jackson always had some new idea he would come up with. Dio hadn’t a clue where he found them, probably an old episode of Dr. Phil or Oprah or something. This time around he figured he’d make it a rule that any time somebody had a birthday, everyone in the squad was responsible for making some kind of birthday gift for them. It could be a home-made card, some kind of craft thing they’d cut and glued together, or something from their personal possessions. Since most of them hadn’t anything to call their own, most of them ended up making something from scratch.

  First up, it was Grossaint’s birthday. It was almost St. Patrick’s Day. Dio would much rather have spent the weekend with Jennifer, drinking green beer at Spooky’s or something. Grossaint kept bragging that he was part Irish, so Dio thought he’d give him something to remember his heritage by, something that he’d remember for a long time.

  For some strange reason, Coffee had taken a liking to Grossaint. She seriously would not leave his side, no matter how many times he pushed her away. He’d threaten her, he’d pull her by the tail, but no matter what, she was completely in love with him. He tried to get rid of her time and time again, but Dio thought that he secretly liked all the attention. Just like he liked the attention he was getting from most of the guys. He had naturally decided he’d pretty much be the leader for the whole squad and just about everyone accepted it—other than Dio and Simon, of course.

  Every day that week Jackson made them race in a sort of obstacle course, with things to jump over, walls to scale, and ropes to climb. Grossaint always won. Jackson timed them all in a race. Dio didn’t even try. Why bother? He hated all that shit and he was just going to lose anyway. Grossaint always had some smart-ass comment to make when Dio came in last, like, “Come on, Mexican jumping bean.” And he’d always time it perfectly, so he could say it and get away with it just as Jackson was stepping away.

  Dio approached Grossaint as he ripped open his birthday presents like a spoiled-rotten brat. He was loving every moment of it, though he didn’t like to show it. Dio could see right through him. His ice-blue eyes looked up at Dio suspiciously as Dio handed him a handmade card. He took it like he was about to open a bomb and pried it open carefully. Seeing there was nothing in it, he read it. It had a simple picture of a flower and “Happy Birthday. Good l
uck in the races.”

  Seeing there was nothing more to it than that, Grossaint crumpled it in his hand, tossed it away, and began to open the other presents.

  “Chow time!” a junior officer yelled.

  Everyone got up, put their shoes on, and headed out. When Grossaint did the same, he was shocked at the gooshing sensation from his shoes. Then he sat back down and pulled his shoes off, only to sniff the funky smell of dog shit all over his feet.

  “Oh, shit!” Grossaint exclaimed.

  Dio and Simon hid around the corner, trying not to laugh too hard. Grossaint looked everywhere for them. He knew who was behind it.

  Dio and Simon were walking swiftly by him when Simon turned around and said, “Happy Birthday,” and laughed. Dio nudged him.

  “Stupid. Keep it on the down-low.” He turned to see Grossaint’s teeth grit, his face beet red with anger. He shook his head in a deathly threat.

  Dio knew he was in for it, in for something big this time. It was no longer fun and games. It was war.

  Chapter Three

  HE COULDN’T OPEN THE ENVELOPE QUICKLY ENOUGH. IT had been two weeks since he had sent Jennifer the letter and finally she had written him back. Tearing open the letter was like tearing off Jennifer’s clothes.

  He wanted to read it as soon as he got it, but it was kitchen-duty time and he knew what would happen if he were late. He was supposed to be cleaning out the grease traps, but he stole away a few minutes in the corner to read it.

  Dear Dio,

  It took me a long time to write this letter cause I’m in such pain. The medicine that they put me on makes me feel sick to my stomach. You don’t know what it’s been like for me laying up in the hospital like this. You say you’re sorry, you say you care for me, pero no te creo. I think all you think about is yourself.

  I think you’re completely selfish. I sacrificed a lot for you. I’ve made enemies out of my friends and out of my family when all along all they were doing was just trying to save me from you. They were right, I always knew it inside. I knew you were no good for me. I knew you were trouble, you’ve always been trouble. I’ve tried to save you so many times. You don’t know what it’s like for me to constantly have to defend you to all my friends.

  It’s hard for me to see you like this Dio, when I know you can be so much more. But you keep messing things up. It’s like you say you want to change and you know you can be better but you’re afraid of it at the same time. No te entiendo. It doesn’t make any sense.

  It’s so painful for me. They say I almost died Dio. They say one of the bullets was just centimeters from my corazon. I should have been dead but somebody’s watching over me and I can only think it’s because I’m supposed to be here for some reason. It’s like a second chance and I’ve got to do things right this time.

  I want to believe you Dio. I want to believe that this time it will be different that you will change but I just don’t see how. I don’t know how that’s possible. Everything you’ve said you’d do you haven’t done. You said you’d get a regular job, but you ended up selling drugs. You said you’d get out of all that gang banging shit but instead you kicked it with your cholo friends all the time. Quit trying to save them all the time, they don’t need your help. You need your help. I need your help. What about me? Is your love for them more important than me?

  Friends will come and go Dio, but true love lasts forever. Nunca te olvidas de eso. I feel torn too Dio. I want to believe it that you’ll turn things around I just don’t know if it’s true. I want to believe it’s true but I don’t know Dio. You’ve got to show me. When I see you in a shirt and tie and you’ve got a real job and you’ve been holding it down for long time and you’ve got a place of your own and you’re not talking like a thug anymore then maybe I’ll believe it. You’ve got so much potential Dio. I just wish you’d focus on that and forget all that other crap.

  You know what I think Dio. I think it’s karma. I think you’ve walked through most of life without really getting your just due, you knew your mama would just bail you out. Well I think life caught up to you and I think life’s teaching you a lesson. You do the crime you’ve got to do the time. It’s true.

  My whole family hates you now. If they even knew I was writing back to you they’d go crazy. I had to sneak this letter out to you through the nurse. My familia would never understand. Just get better okay? Do something with your life and use this time in camp to really think about things.

  Jennifer

  The letter tore Dio apart. Part of him was just glad that she had written him back, but it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted so badly for her to just forgive him. He knew that what had happened was serious, but to hear her say things like that, it was like losing his best friend all over again. He couldn’t bear the thought of it.

  He read it over and over again just to see if he’d gotten it right, but it was the same each time. The letter never changed. Dio closed his eyes. He felt like he was sinking inside. Maybe he should just accept the fact that—

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake!” It was Louise, yelling about something in the other room.

  Dio shook his head and started cleaning the grease traps again. But then he thought he heard a sniffle.

  Could it be?

  It almost sounded as if Louise was . . . he had to check it out. He wiped his hands off and moved toward the source of the sound.

  Louise was in the pantry and she had her back turned. Her arms were folded and she seemed to be having trouble stocking the canned goods.

  Dio cleared his throat. “You all right?”

  “Jeez!” she exclaimed. “Scared the shit out of me.”

  “Well, sorry, I was just—” He stopped. Her face was red, her eyes still soaked. It was clear that she had just been crying, no matter how quickly she tried to wipe her tears.

  “What do you want?” she snapped.

  “You all right?”

  “Yeah, ’course I am. You just mind your own goddamn business and get back to work.”

  “Whatever,” Dio muttered, and turned to leave.

  He was just trying to help.

  Why’d she have to be such a bitch about it?

  But then he stopped and listened. She started crying again.

  God, he hated to see a woman cry. It brought him back to seeing his mother lying in bed for weeks at a time because some asshole she thought was her boyfriend had just swept her aside like yesterday’s trash. He hated it when she brought over their “new daddy” because he could always read people and he just knew they were going to end up hurting her. At first, he would tell her how much he didn’t like them, that they gave him a bad vibe, but she’d just shoo him off and say he didn’t know what he was talking about. He wouldn’t dare say, “I told you so.” That would be disrespectful. But he knew it and she knew it and nothing more needed to be said.

  A woman crying made him feel powerless, like a train wreck was about to happen and there was nothing he could do about it. Maybe she just wanted to be left alone.

  Then he thought of something, something that always made his mother and Jennifer happy whenever they were down. There wasn’t much to choose from, but he went outside and looked around for whatever he could find until he found it.

  He came into the pantry, approaching her with caution as she sobbed in the corner, and left a flower he had picked. It wasn’t much, just a violet he had found outside. Some people would consider it a weed, but that’s all he knew to do. He had started to go out of the pantry room when . . .

  “Hey. Get over here,” Louise said.

  Dio obeyed.

  “Yeah?” he answered.

  “What was that for?”

  Dio shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “You picked that outside for me?”

  “It’s no big deal,” Dio said, turning to leave.

  “Wait a minute. I didn’t say you could go. Get your ass over here.”

  “What?” Dio asked.

  “You trying t
o be sweet to me or something? Whatcha up to, huh? Whatcha want?”

  “Nothing. I don’t want nothing. Just thought you could use something to lift your spirits.”

  “That it, huh?”

  “Yep.”

  She grunted. “Well, don’t think you gonna get anything out of it or nothing.”

  “Whatever.”

  She was hardheaded. He could see that right away. It was probably just as hard for her to say “Thank you” or “I’m sorry” or any of the other things that made you feel weak, but were so important to say, as it was for him. He felt for her. She didn’t have to say any of those things that he knew she was saying inside.

  “I’m not trying to get up in your business or nothing, but what was the matter anyway?” he asked.

  “Don’t ever get married. That’s what’s the matter,” she snapped back.

  “Relationship shit? I know how that goes.”

  “Yeah? What do you know about relationships?”

  “I got female problems, that’s what.”

  “What kind of female problems?”

  “Got a girl. She mad at me right now.”

  “She got a reason?”

  Dio thought awhile. “Kinda.”

  “What is it?”

  “She got a reason. That’s all,” he answered. “Why do females got to be so complicated? I tried to say I’m sorry. I wrote her a letter and everything, but girls want you down on your knees. They want to drag shit out and make you feel as low as you can.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yeah, that’s so. Didn’t used to be like this. Wish it could be like it used to.”

  He was lost in the thought. Louise started putting things away in the pantry again.

  “Well, that’s the way it goes. Relationships fade,” she said.

  “Not me and Jennifer. We’re soul mates. We’re . . . we’re . . .”

  “Connected?”

  “Yeah. Exactly. Connected like nobody’s business. I look at her and I know we’re going to be together forever. We just going through a little bit of a bump.”

  Dio took the letter out of his pocket. “I know I’m not supposed to bring this to work, but . . . she said it right here: ‘It’s karma.’ She don’t want nothing to do with me. She don’t know how much I love her.”