Forever My Lady Page 6

  “Well, if you don’t believe in yourself, how do you expect her to? She wrote you back? What’d she say?”

  “You ain’t going to squeal on me or nothing for bringing this, are you?”

  “Just read the damn letter.”

  Dio read the letter to her. She just listened and thought in silence for a long time. Finally Dio couldn’t take it anymore. Patience never had been his best quality.

  “Well?” he insisted.

  “Sounds like she still wants you.”

  “For real?”

  She looked in his eyes. She could see right through him, right to his heart. He really loved this girl.

  “Yeah, listen to what she’s saying. Give me that,” she said, snatching the letter from him. “Listen, ‘Friends will come and go but true love lasts forever . . . when I see you in a shirt and tie and you’ve got a real job . . . ’ She’s telling you she wants you back. Just get your shit together.”

  “For real?”

  “For real? Of course, for real. What’s that supposed to mean? You’re talking to a woman here. And I’ve got two teenage daughters that give me hell. I know these things. Besides, if she was really over you, she never would have written you back.”

  Then she looked at him softly, probably more softly than he’d even seen her, and said, “I’m Louise.”

  “Dio.”

  “I know who you are. Listen, if what you’re saying is true and you really are soul mates, Dio, don’t let her get away. Write her back. You still got a chance with her.”

  Dio felt all sorts of exuberance inside, and a newfound hope. He was anxious. She was right; she had to be. She was a woman and she knew what women wanted.

  “What should I say? What should I say?”

  Dio thought long and hard about everything Louise said to him that day. Most of it made a lot of sense. She told him to speak from the heart. She said the problem with men is that they feel all these things inside, but they never communicate them to their women. Their women feel neglected and insecure.

  “It’s all about communication,” she said.

  He drew a beautiful picture of Jennifer, tracing every detail of her angelic face in his mind, thinking over and over again about what he wanted to say. He sat up on his hard-as-wood bunk and began to write.

  Dear Jennifer,

  Why you have to make me feel like shit? You know I mean every thing word I say to you girl. You know that everything I say is from my heart. Todo. And I’m going to prove it to you. When I get out I’m going to be a completely different man. You’ll see.

  You mean so much to me. You mean the world to me and you know this baby.

  You know sometimes the things I mean in my head sometimes they don’t exactly come out the way they’re supposed to. You’ve got to just know what’s in my corazon. I’ve always been there for you. Tu saves eso. You know if I was there right now I’d be laying in bed with you, lying next to you, holding you. I’d be stroking your pelo, kissing your labios, making you feel good. You know that’s all I think about here, being with you. It’s the only thing that gets me through the day.

  This place is like hell. Most the day I think I’m goin loco. It’s not just all the hard work they make us do. Chingan con tu mente. They even got some of the hardest vatos in here in tears cause of the shit they say. It’s like psychology shit or something and they’re always screaming at you, just like my moms used to do me. It’s like living with my moms all over again. Me estan acabando.

  I don’t want you to think I’m acting like a chavala, Jennifer cause you know that ain’t me but I just want to let you know I’m not having an easy time with this, tampoco. I don’t know how much more of this I can take and I don’t know how I’m going to make it through a whole year like this. The only thing I have to look forward to is when that I might get a letter back from you.

  The mail only comes una vez a la semana, and my heart pounds every time they pass it out cause I’m hoping I’ll get something from you.

  That’s what you do to me baby, you make my heart pound, and you make me feel vivo. I know you’re going to pull through in the hospital and I’m going to get out and we’re going to be together and things are going to be better much better. You’ll see.

  Every night I fall asleep thinking about you. I think about you as soon as I wake up. I think about you in the day when they have us doing all this exercise shit.

  Baby like I said, sometimes it’s not easy for me to get what’s in me out so I hope you can just feel what I’m trying to say. Just know that in your heart, whatever you need to hear, whatever it would take to make you feel better I’m there for you.

  I almost forgot Visitor’s Day is coming up next Friday at 6pm. You think you can

  “Wow, you drew that? That’s beautiful. Whatcha doing?” Simon asked.

  “You messin’ my vibe, man,” Dio answered.

  Simon backed away like he just had been slapped across the face, which only made Dio feel bad.

  “I’m just writing Jennifer.”

  “Your jaina.”

  Dio smiled. “Simón. I can’t spell too good. How you spell knot?”

  “Depends if you mean not like I cannot or knot as in a ship’s directional course. And of course there’s naught as in—”

  “Okay, okay. I’m talking about like ‘my stomach’s in knots.’”

  “Oh! K-n-o-t. Can I see your letter?” Simon peered over his shoulder to take a look. Dio slid out of the way.

  “Man, you’re nosy.”

  “Sorry.”

  Dio sighed. “Look, don’t you got a girl of your own? Jeez.”

  “My parents won’t let me.”

  “Won’t let you? How old are you?”

  “Just turned eighteen.”

  “And they won’t let you?”

  “It’s against my religion.”

  “What religion is that?”

  Simon shied away. “Just Christian.”

  “What kind of Christian religion don’t let you date nobody?”

  “I gotta wait ’til I’m thinking about marriage. I’m not ready yet. Besides, who would ever have me?”

  “Dude, you need to get some balls. Get some confidence. You don’t believe in you, how’s somebody else supposed to?”

  Dio couldn’t believe he had just said that. It was like he was possessed by the spirit of Louise. But she did have a point.

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Man, somebody got to teach you to strut. You can’t just walk around like you’re Eeyore all the time. How you expect anybody to respect you?”

  “Yeah, listen to him. He’ll teach you a thing or two,” Grossaint blurted out, petting Coffee.

  “Shut the fuck up, ése. Man, I ain’t in the mood for you. Just go back to sleep,” Dio said.

  “What are you, Casanova or something?” Grossaint sneered.

  “What?”

  “You don’t know who Casanova is? Dumb fuck.”

  Dio started for him, but Coffee got up and started growling at him.

  Grossaint smiled at the dog, surprised. “Good dog.”

  Simon tugged at Dio. “It’s not worth it,” Simon said. “They’ll just send you back in the hole. Think about your girl.”

  Dio hated to admit it, but Simon was right. No matter how much he wanted to just pound Grossaint right then and there, it would just cause more problems.

  “You think you’re so smart. You’re in camp just like the rest of us.”

  “Yeah, but at least I’m going somewhere when I get out. You’ll just be stuck in the ghetto.”

  “I ain’t going to be in no ghetto. Soon as I get out I’m going to be a artist, a car design shop artist.”

  Grossaint laughed in his face. “You’re dreaming. You’re going right back to the ghetto.”

  Dio could have hit him at that moment. He was going to be somebody; he just knew it.

  “Yeah? Well, at least I’m not going to go back to that trailer park with Ma and Pa and your girlf
riend—I mean, your sister,” Dio said.

  The guys busted out laughing. It took Dio by surprise. It was the first sign of anything positive from the guys.

  Dio started flapping his arms and slapping his thigh like he was some kind of country boy. “Get off me, brother. Get off me.”

  “You’re just stupid. I got a girl at home and at least she ain’t some slut like you probably got.”

  “Don’t talk about my girl like that.”

  “Don’t talk about my girl like that,” Grossaint mimicked. He obviously was feeling joy at finding something that hurt Dio as well. “Y’all Mexicans breed like roaches. She’s probably fat and pregnant with your baby, or some other dude’s by now.”

  “Fuck you, man.”

  “She probably got some kind of gonorrhea or syphilis or something. Probably on welfare, or picking some strawberries in somebody’s field.”

  Dio was burning up as Grossaint and his boys started cracking up, adding little comments here and there.

  “She’s just a dumb wetback, just like you,” Grossaint added. If Simon hadn’t tugged at Dio again to snap him out of the rage he was about to go into, he probably would have snapped Grossaint’s neck.

  “My girl got more smarts in her pinky than the whole lot of you got in all y’all’s bodies. Least she ain’t as dumb as your mama.”

  Grossaint froze. Blood rushed to his face.

  “Lay off my mom.”

  “I tried, but I’m next in line.”

  Everyone cracked up.

  “Least my mom ain’t some Mexican jumping bean, probably spreading her legs for every—”

  “That all you got to say? Yeah? Well, your mama so dumb if she could speak her mind, she’d be speechless.”

  The guys busted out laughing.

  “Yo mama so dumb, the only job she could get was a blow job.”

  Grossaint was taken aback; even his cronies were trying not to laugh.

  “Yo mama so dumb, wait . . . she had you.”

  “I told you. Don’t talk about my mom like that.”

  Dio could see in his eyes that Grossaint was serious. He’d struck a chord, something deep inside Grossaint, though he couldn’t put his finger on it. And something told him not to go there. Not now.

  “Whatever, you lily-white peckerwood. You ain’t worth my time anyway.”

  Dio was counting the days to Visitor’s Day. Then counting the hours. He stayed up the whole night before thinking about seeing Jennifer again. He hadn’t gotten a letter back from her yet, but then again, he figured she probably just planned to show up. It didn’t make sense to write back.

  The room was already packed with guests when the squad entered the room in a single-file line. When Jackson alerted the guys to go see their guests, they were like little kids again. Dio waited for Jennifer with the other guys who were waiting for their guests. And he waited and he waited until nobody was left in line except him and Simon.

  “Where’s your girl, Dio?”

  “She’s probably just running late or something. She’ll be here. You’ll see.”

  “Can’t wait to see her.”

  “Yep. Where’s your mom and dad?”

  Simon shrugged.

  “Fuck them.”

  “Yeah,” Simon agreed.

  “They just missing out.”

  Simon sniffled, “Yeah.”

  “Who needs them? They don’t want to show up, you don’t want them to show up.”

  Simon’s eyes watered. He sniffled again. “Yeah . . . I gotta go to the bathroom.”

  Dio watched as he trailed off to ask Jackson for permission to use the head.

  Poor kid, Dio thought.

  Dio knew he was much stronger than Simon would ever be. He wondered what his whole story was. Simon didn’t look tough enough to hurt a fly. Seemed like he had a heart of gold.

  What parent wouldn’t want him?

  Dio waited by himself as guests came and went. Even Grossaint had a guest. Some big guy who looked like he was probably his brother. He had a wife-beater on and dirty blond hair, with the same ice-blue eyes that Grossaint had. He had tattoos up and down his arm like he had just come out of prison, too.

  Dio watched Grossaint. He didn’t put on the tough façade he did when was with the rest of the squad. He seemed like a little boy, excited about his brother or whoever the guy was.

  He watched him as Grossaint’s face turned from glee to completely pale as he listened to the guy. He looked like he was going to cry or something. Dio wondered what could be so awful that would turn his cold heart to mush. Whatever it was, it made Grossaint put his tough façade back on, lost in his thoughts as his brother straggled out of the visitors’ room.

  Dio waited and waited until there was no one left. He felt completely embarrassed as the squad one by one started lining up again. They looked at him with a “you-didn’t-get-anybody-to-visit-you?” look that Dio hated. He just kept his chin up, looking straight ahead, though he was dying inside.

  Jackson watched him from a distance. Then he came up to him and spoke in a low tone.

  “Where’s this lady friend of yours you were talking about?”

  Dio was irritated.

  He really knew how to rub something in.

  “Sir, Trainee Rodríguez doesn’t know, sir. Guess she couldn’t make it, sir.”

  “Ah, I see. Well, there’s always next time.”

  And he took off. Was that supposed to make him feel better or something? Dio just became more irritated, couldn’t wait until he could hit the sack, get under his covers, and cry.

  Must be some mistake, Dio thought. She probably didn’t get the letter or maybe she got the date mixed up. She wouldn’t just dog me like that. Would she?

  “You’re shitting me,” Dio said, his eyes about to pop out.

  He lay in his bunk and talked quietly to Simon. Everyone was talking very quietly. It was late at night and they knew they weren’t supposed to, but no one seemed to be able to sleep.

  “No, I’m serious. They own all of them,” Simon responded nonchalantly.

  “You’re telling me every single Vegas Flower Express your family owns? You must be . . .”

  “Millionaires?” Simon shrugged. “It’s their money, not mine.”

  “So you grew up with like maids and butlers and stuff?”

  “Something like that. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

  “Man, if I had your family . . .”

  “You can take them. Maybe they’d want you.”

  “Your family don’t want you?”

  Simon shrugged. He seemed uncomfortable with the question.

  “Sure. I mean, when I’m not at my dad’s, I’m at my mom’s. Hardly see them though. Got so many stepbrothers and sisters. Only time they ever pay attention to me is when I need to . . . never mind.”

  He clammed up again. Every time Dio really started to get to know him, he’d do that. There was silence between them for a while. Dio looked over at that asshole Grossaint. He was chatting with his boys as usual. They always seemed to separate themselves from the rest of the squad, as if they were too good for them.

  “That your brother that showed up last Visitor’s Day?” Grossaint’s skinny little sidekick Franklin asked.

  “Yep,” Grossaint answered, petting Coffee.

  “He looks like you.”

  Grossaint smiled. “Yep, my big brother. He’s got women lined up for miles. Got three right now.”

  “Three?”

  “Yep.”

  “You got a girl?”

  Grossaint seemed nervous. “’Course I do. Why? You fag. We . . . broke up right before I got in here.”

  “What was she like?”

  “Pretty . . . blonde, brown eyes. Big tits.”

  “Sounds nice.”

  Grossaint shrugged. “Just like my dad used to say, ‘You turn them all upside down and they’re all sisters.’”

  They roared with laughter. Dio knew if Jennifer heard Grossaint say
something like that, she’d kick his ass.

  “Where is your dad anyway?” Franklin asked.

  “Don’t know. It’s been a while.”

  “How long?”

  “Long enough. Went off the deep end. Thought I saw him once downtown on the streets. Tried to help him, but he was too drunk.”

  “Did he recognize you?”

  “Thought he did, but who knows? I wanted us all to get together, the whole family for Christmas, just like old times, but . . . then I got locked up in here.”

  Grossaint sat up a little, excited. “Did you know you can call this 800 number and they can, like, find anybody on the planet? Anybody. Told my brother about it, might be able to find everyone once I get out.”

  “How many brothers and sisters you have?”

  Grossaint smiled. “A lot. Nine of us.”

  “Damn! Can you name them all?”

  “Of course. There’s Joy, Michael, Travis, Steve, Joseph, um . . . um . . . Tracy, Terry . . . um . . .”

  “You can’t even remember them?”

  “Shut the fuck up, can too! Johnny and Rachel, she’s my twin.”

  “You’re a twin?”

  “Yep . . . haven’t seen her, seen most of them, since . . . been years, except for Michael. That’s the one that showed up last Visitor’s Day.” He lowered his voice, but Dio could still hear it. “You know, that’s the problem with America today, too many Mexicans taking our jobs. We let too many illegals in, honest hard-working men losing their jobs, all ’cause of some fucking spics.”

  “Isn’t that the truth?”

  “Wrecking perfectly happy families.”

  Dio wondered if that’s what happened to him. Maybe that was why he was so angry all the time. He blamed some Mexican guy for taking his dad’s job.

  But what did that have to do with him not seeing his family? Dio wondered.

  Jennifer’s not showing up for Visitor’s Day just made Dio’s weeks go on like hell. It had been three weeks since that day and Jennifer still hadn’t written back. What was she trying to do, just forget him completely?

  He just felt like he was going through the motions.